There are both Women and Men who have been harmed by all forms of abuse. Men and women indeed can find a great deal of common ground regarding issues of abuse such as:
Below are some links to help women and men who are dealing with the pain of any kind of abuse. Some of these resources are geared towards only men or only women – though most serve both women and men:
Save your time and money and instead read as many of the books listed below as you can, which you can find at your library, online, or in bookstores:
1. The Macho Paradox by Jackson Katz
2. She Comes First and He Comes Next by Ian Kerner
3. Boundaries and Relationships and The Truth About Depression: Choices For Healing by Charles Whitfield
4. Getting Love Right: Learning the Choices of Healthy Intimacy by Terrance Gorski
5. Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen
6. Couples, Gender, and Power: Creating Change in Intimate Relationships by Kudson-Martin and Mahoney
7. Coach Yourself to Success by Talane Meidaner
8. Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
9. The Eight Essential Traits of Couples Who Thrive by Susan Page
10. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman
11. Getting to Commitment by Steven Carter
12. Happy Between Relationships by Ken Rutkowski
13. Coercive Control by Evan Stark
14. If the Buddha Dated and If the Buddha Married by Charlotte Kasl
15. The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman
16. Men’s Work by Paul Kivel
17. Coercive Control by Evan Stark
18. When Love Goes Wrong by Ann Jones and Susan Shechter
19. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans
20. Toward a New Psychology of Women by Jean Baker Miller
21. Bradshaw on The Family by John Bradshaw
22. The New PeopleMaking by Virginia Satir
23. Cutting Loose by Howard M. Halpern
24. The Language of Emotional Intelligence by Jeanne Segal
25. Getting Off: Pornography and the End of Masculinity by Robert Jensen
26. Controlling People by Patricia Evans
27. NonViolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
28. Intimate Partners by Maggie Scarf
What To Do If You’ve Been Sexually Assaulted
The CDC’s Women’s Health site offers these steps if you have been sexually assaulted:
Get away from the attacker to a safe place as fast as you can. Then call 911 or the police.
Call a friend or family member you trust. You also can call a crisis center or a hotline to talk with a counselor. One hotline is the
National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
Feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and shock are normal. It is important to get counseling from a trusted professional.
Do not wash, comb, or clean any part of your body. Do not change clothes if possible, so the hospital staff can collect evidence.
Do not touch or change anything at the scene of the assault.
Go to your nearest hospital emergency room as soon as possible. You need to be examined, treated for any injuries, and screened for possible sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) or pregnancy. The doctor will collect evidence using a rape kit for fibers, hairs, saliva, semen, or clothing that the attacker may have left behind.
You or the hospital staff can call the police from the emergency room to file a report.
Ask the hospital staff about possible support groups you can attend right away.
Not all victims choose to report their sexual assault. Statistics indicate that over 60% of rapes are not repoted to the police.
However, reporting a sexual assault is one key to preventing future sexual assaults. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network offers a wide variety of support and information on their website.
For REAL Men’s Rights Groups that are not Hate Groups, see below:
www.dvinstitute.org – Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
www.dvalianza.org – National Latino Alliance for the Elimination of Domestic Violence
www.nationalcompadresnetwork.com – Latinos network
www.msh-ta.org – Mending the Sacred Hoop Technical Assistance Project
Men’s Services and Activism:
www.whiteribbon.com – White Ribbon Campaign (Canada)
www.mijd.org – Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe Inc.
www.mrcforchange.org – Men’s Resource Center for Change (Amhest, MA)
www.strongmendontbully.com – Gloucester Men Against Domestic Violence
www.mencanstoprape.org – Men Can Stop Rape (D.C.)
www.emergedv.com – Emerge Batterers Intervention Program (MA)
www.nomas.org – National Organization of Men Against Sexism
www.mensresourcesinternational.org – Men’s Resources Internt’l (MA)
www.endabuse.org/cbim – Coaching Boys into Men
College Campus-Based Groups:
www.students.haverford.edu/masar/front.htm – Men Against Sexual Assault and Rape
www.fas.harvard.edu/~osapr/ – Harvard Men Against Rape, Harvard University
ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter – Tufts Women’s Center – Men’s Activist Coalition
www.oneinfourusa.org – One in Four